contentment

ok, this subject is not something i can claim much knowledge about. It's like reading a book about travelling in Europe and not having been there. yes, that's about right. But just because i haven't experienced a lot of it, doesn't mean i don't crave it. It's like wanting patience, but not being sure you want to go through the things that produce it in our lives...
Contentment was described to me once as being a traveller bound for Holland, with visions of all that Holland has. Packing for Holland and being excited for the vacation there. But once off the plane, to discover one is in France instead. Oh, i'm sure France has it's lovely things, but one's heart was set on Holland. Contentment is choosing to be pleased with being in France, despite 'wanting' Holland.
So what does that have to do with me? any of us?
We all had some idea where we were headed in life - perhaps in a 5 year plan. But where i find myself today is not what i'd imagined. In many ways, it is perhaps better than the original plan. But sometimes it is not. Yes, we got used to it, but it can leave us with the gnawing sense that things didn't turn out right. what to do? The easy path is to be cranky - whether visibly or not. Discontent. Restless. Unhappy. But is this leading me any closer to the contentment i had imagined in Holland? Can contentment be found in France? Can i decide to love where i am simply because it is where i am?? Where i've been placed...
We face a few decisions in these moments. Sometimes, we choose to decorate our world with Holland reminders- things that keep the dream alive, if you please. What does that look like? When a serious injury sidelines my hockey/baseball/(insert your situation here), and the dream is out of touch, do i still think and dream about it all the time? Or can i turn lemons into lemonade and coach someone, turn my change-of-plans into good?
Other times, we pretend that it doesn't matter, that we are 'fine' and we bury the hurt - perhaps it squeaks out in angry words to our families? (ouch) While we think we have 'dealt with it', are we lying to ourselves and hurting those we love most?

I don't know about you, but its probably a good thing to stop and reflect once in a while - where is the direction of my life taking me? is it somewhere i want to go? What path am i on? what kinds of thoughts occupy my mind as i commute, relax or rest?
St. Augustine said,"Indeed, man wishes to be happy even when he so lives as to make happiness impossible."
Are the choices i am making taking me to more and more joy, gratitude and peace, or am i chasing a dream that no longer has meaning for me?
I'm trying to concentrate on living in the moment, right here and now. Trying to stop worrying about tomorrow and learning to see the gifts of God, however small they might appear, in the moment they are given.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer said it well..."We do not complain of what God does not give us; we rather thank God for what he does give us daily. And is not what has been given enough?"
So i'm starting to be thankful for air in my lungs (clean Canadian air, thanks so much!), the mind to think thoughts, the heart to love those around me, food for nourishment, clothes to wear and so on. Important things if you don't have them!
baby steps....and with the help of God and his Spirit, i will try to live in the 'now' and leave the future in his hands...
now that oughta give me peace already!!